Sunshine...... Tumbling Down....

Omg, CONVENTION

Needless to say, I feel much better today from my episode with the flu all day yesterday. Outtacontrol. I was literally sprawled across the livingroom floor because it was the only place that felt comfortable to me. What a wreck. I hate taking medicine, but drugs upon drugs were my only savior yesterday and I'm hella grateful for them!!! Oh, and last but not least, thanks to my lDve for making me breakfast, bringing me lunch, and stopping by at night with OJ and medicine to assure I got a good night's sleep. I'm sO lucky.

We are now 4 days away from Puerto Rico and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time (that's what SHE said). Just as I was beginning to feel restless and overworked. We all need a break from reality. Damnit, I've worked my butt off, take me awaaaaay. Lol

I do plan to grind it out upon my return though, and I got myself an intern to prove it! With his help I can make more face-to-face time with my clients (that's ALSO what SHE said). Work, work, work.

My manager shared some good news with me today: My quarterly bonus will be 55 per cent more than I had anticipated ;) It pays to work hard, man. Wow. I'm sO lucky.

"It can't rain ALL the time" -The Crow
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Rebellion

Goddammit, I didn't close a huge piece of business today, dang railroad fares shot up today from $278/m to $303/m, I didn't get much accomplished once I got in the office, I'm so sick I think I have the swine flu and I missed the last 5 o'clock train home... I even resorted to stopping and picking up a beer and got I.D.ed and didn't have my license on me! And just as I quit inside and threw my hands up in despair in the middle of Penn Station...I looked to my left and saw a homeless elderly man with two pieces of cloth bobby-pinned down the seams as pants... and all of a sudden I felt... so ashamed.

I thought of walking over to him and asking him if he was hungry an for pemission to buy him dinner... but my fear of rejection kept me from moving. I wondered, how did he get here? And as shame sunk in, I thought... Who the hell am I to complain?

I am grateful for waking up today... And yeah, I finally got my hands on a beer as I waited 28 minutes till my next train, but I'm feeling like a million bucks. Shit, at least I had the opportunity to lose that client today, I have the income to pay my train fare annually today if I wanted to, and I have the family, lover and friends to assure me I'll never have to dig through garbage for food if I ever outlive my resources... So I am absolutely satisfied. When did I lose touch?

Tonight, I will sleep in the arms of the man I love and I will get to share these stories with the wonderful Jara family that has taken me in as their own... Ah, and 6 days from today I'll be landing in Puerto Rico. I'm sO lucky.

I obviously have some emotional growing up to do. I'll get to it.
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Sometimes Strangers Can Judge You Best

"Some people in this life are just survivors, no matter what. They weather storms, focus and succeed--- And girl, thats you!"
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A Rest

Oh, mannnn. Time. 2 hours before my next appointment and I refuse to work, no phonecalls, no nothing. I think I need this. A moment alone, in a familiar Astoria neighborhood, people-watching and sitting under the sun. Just ordered a smoked salmon salad to go with my ice cold glass of Chardonnay. Till next time...
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Puertoooo!

Back on My Horse

Ok, that's enough celebrating. It's like the forces that be decided it was time to burst my bubble. My slacking has come back to bite me in the @ss (I deserve it, lol, but I know what to do and I'll be ok), a legal issue has come up with an ex-landlord (aka slum-lord, that's why we moved from our first place in Brooklyn), and my heart is currently confused. I don't even know if that's the right word, but that goes to show my confusion. One thing at a time, please.

Work is work, and it takes a lot of work to be successful. You have to bust your ass for a good 3 years. I'm just around the corner from reaching the end of my second year... I have a lot to do still. I guess it's the expectations I've built that slap me upside the head the most because I couldn't slack for a month without everyone asking me "Is everything ok?" Alright, people! Here I go, back on my horse now.

Legal crap. E and I went to court to resolve some slumlord BS where this guy is saying we owe him a month's rent... We can pay him but it's the principle! He kept our deposit because we were forced to break our lease, as verbally agreed with him, but now he's saying we owe him the NEXT month's rent too! ? Fk outta here. The only reason we left was because someone was living in the basement illegally, blasting music to the umpteenth degree and having loud wild s#x that sounded more unconsensual than anything else. Then some dudes upstairs got jumped in our hallway, which was followed by another guy getting held up at gunpoint righ in front of our door. We had had enough. With all the hours I was working, coming home at all hours of the night, dying was the last thing I wanted to deal with. E couldn't sleep for days because the music was BLASTING from right beneath her bed and it would go from 4pm to 9 am. Wtf. Not to mention, our next-door neighbor would beat her kids uncontrollably, and it was a matter of time before I went over there mid-beating and beat her @ss down my damn self. So we bounced, like any sane females would. We'll see how court goes on the 19th.

Then there's Love. My love and I have faced challenges that I believe many people may not have stuck around for. It's delicate, this Love thing. We know that all of these bumps in the road are part of being human, part of living and growing, and necessary for us to know who we're really dealing with here. It's something about knowing that he is the man I want to grow old with that allows me to build all the way back from the bottom whenever our sandcastle is toppled over. My latest challenge is one I can't put into words, but I'm ecstatic for the opportunity to improve our relationship. We're fortunate to have found each other on this amazingly huge planet, I'd give worlds for him and his happiness. He knows that. He would spread his wings over mountains so that I'd cross safely. I know that. I Love him. We're in Love. We have some work to do.

Till next time.

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It was once said...

"That the only way there could ever be a Black President was the day that pigs could fly... 100 days into Barack Obama's presidency... SWINE FLU!!!"

Crazy! LoL. Thanks for sharing D!

Janesa

"U just put a band aid over it and hope it heals without a scar. Over time."
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no hay palabras

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez presents President Barack Obama with a copy of "The Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent," by Uruguayan writer Eduardo Galeano during a meeting at the Summit of the Americas.

Yes, please.

Finally.